“I have tried to be not so much faithful to a revered text but to reproduce what it felt like to read a book of incredible immediacy in 1925.”
- Baz Lurhmann (on the Great Gatsby, Entertainment Magazine)Tweet
Free Will vs Fate - A Question
Is love a more powerful concept* if you choose to love someone or if you just can’t keep yourself from loving them?
*I do not necessarily believe love is a ‘concept’ but felt the word choice appropriate for the question.
I may have only slept 4 hours, but I spent it on grass man made, watching stars leak out of spoons sliced open with sensation found somewhere beneath the curve of a rainbow. In places impossible, explored in (day) dreams by a mermaid returned to water, breathing it in existing within the other.
Until the bathtub drained.
[waiting to be filled.]
I have always had a thing for Greek guys. Perhaps it all started with Elia…
I used to think there were only 7 voices now I feel like infinity is swimming between neurons biting and the harmonies stuck in my head.
A Love Letter - A Vacation Deviation
I’ve been away. My weeks are off. But this is my story, my letter, my love, so it doesn’t really matter whether the format alters for a moment, for now, forever, now does it? As long as love continues to be noted.
“What is REAL?” asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day… “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand… once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
A wedding is often marked as the beginning but it isn’t really. it is merely a moment in the middle of love - making this & that official. A chance to celebrate and share the love you already have. The newest love you’ve been cultivating with everyone else you already love.
So far, it seems we get to go to weddings our whole lives. And for me, in love or not, they have always served as a reminder to remember the power of love and what role it plays in life and the recognition it deserves [daily].
Why do we love?
Why do we pair off 2 by 2.
[procreation and biblical references aside.]
this question remains ever on my mind.
This bit of story
- read aloud at Julia & Nick’s wedding -
the motivation behind these musings [and the entire trip in general] makes me think it is because alone we are one thing. A thing that can make it from life’s point A to B just as well as any other - but when you are loved everything changes. you change and there is no going back from it. [very much like the theory a thing is a thing until it is observed and then it is something different. it is noticed. it is in relationship. it exists. it is.] it takes another person to make this life Real. It takes love to put everything else into perspective.
Without it we would live but would it matter?
I don’t know.
This passage. This idea. I will continue to ruminate on.
A wedding. Celebration of love. A production. A party.
Could there be something I enjoy more?
This & that I’m sure but wedding days are hard to compare.
The sun shined. the mud dried. he sang. she danced. they said, I do. forever.
And we watched.
And I cried. Like I do. Then we sang along and left the sanctuary-o-love.
And made our way to the continued celebration at the Wedding Fair. Photos. Food. Dancing. Box-o-Wine Stealing fun was had.
I know you probably know. But there is nothing like watching someone you’ve known for years. Formative years [helped get you through your formative years.] That you love dearly. Who you can go months without talking to but pick up like it was the next day in calculus class. There is nothing like seeing someone like that in love with a good, kind man [who also happens to be tall, dark, handsome & musically inclined] and you can see his devotion to her in the blacks of his eyes and the way he holds her hand and getting to see them decide to take the leap into forever together.
into the commitment of choosing to fall in love with each other for the rest of their lives.
take care of.
make real life.
[or life real] together.
that shit is powerful.
[it is] happiness.
Thank you Julia.
Thank you Nick.
For allowing me this.
Where do I begin?
Where do we begin?
Aw. to remember that moment would be grand. AP something I am sure of it.
That is when we began our travels together wasn’t it??
It is RARE, like finding a person you can live with, to find a person you can travel with. [the first test of a relationship right?!] And you & I are travling partners in crime. After a decade of travels - of riding scooters with strangers, being kicked out of VIP, boys - on beaches in bars riding bikes, up mountains, down slopes, hungover, running to get on a boat-plane-train, in high heels, topless or black tie. How many miles we have covered. Ten years together. Can’t wait to add more. You are a beautiful & loyal friend. Everything you’ve accomplished [and hearing what’s next] inspires me everyday. My favorite dancer [and person to quote]. I love you. Thank you for another great trip.
My whole trip consisted of seeing people I go weeks between talking, years even between visits but whom without missing a beat [except for maybe my heart when I finally get to see them!] we can pick up. Play like it hasn’t been a day. Anna. Oh, Anna. My blunt little friend. You are gorgeous. hilarious. and talking with you [and hearing about your dance] keeps me going. On to New York City. I’m not a tourist. It is my home. I just don’t live there yet. There we find, Jakey! One night with you ‘tis never enough. drinks. tacos. cuddles. tie knots. umbrellas left behind. I can’t wait until next time. Katie. Katie. Katie!!!! Could it really be 4 years??? So wonderful to hug you in real life. not just via text. Never again will we go this long! So happy to see you so happy. Even if King Cole charged us $23 per drink. Ken. My favorite playwright. 2.3 minutes with you and I am inspired to work harder. So glad I got two rounds of NYC theatre dishing in with you. Nick. I’ll be your roommate! Thank you for giving me a night out on the town - tequila, tacos & theatre. For what else could a girl wish? I know. I wish I could hear your opinions on everything all the time. I would get to laugh way more. And finally, the lovely Lindsay. A cross country support system. My NYC home. A powerhouse. At home. At work. Generous. Hilarious. Kind. I am so lucky to have a lady like you in my life. And it makes my heart glow to see the life. the happiness you have created with Jeremy. And my. I mean your. puppies. So proud of you. So in awe. So happy to have gotten to spend the days [and nights] with you.
And then are these people - left behind in Seattle. Katie. All is Right in the World. So glad I could be with you in essence on your big crazy day! It may all be right, I only hope the world is ready for us! Norah & Shane! It was just perfect to get off a day of planes and see your faces. If only we all had been able to NYC together… a dream for another day. And of course BRy.
together time speeds.
apart hours are slow.
more than 3600 seconds, I know.
so pack the DeLorean.
let’s go for a ride.
loved sharing my adventures with you. even time zones away. through 1000 word photos & post cards sent backwards in time.
i can’t imagine [but I can start!] what adventures we have in store.
anything is possible [when you walk through the door].
time travel included.
[shooting star to the moon.]
thanks for always being, just a satellite away.
but there is nothing like being back,
So there we have it - a Vacation Deviation. So much was seen. So much was done. All of it brimming with love. Back to Seattle. A place that I love. Dare I even call it, coming back home?
Perhaps my commitment phobia persists, but it won’t stop me from saying. I love you. I missed you. And I am happy to return.
Until Next Week
[or maybe sooner]
Conversations with my Father
I don’t think guys know what they’re getting into when they start dating me. - Me
They ABSOLUTELY do not. - My Father