I long for the day I get to love you with my whole heart and you’ll pick it up and take us away with you to the depths of our existence together.
Oh, yes, Oscar. But what if I wanted you to be a part of my definition?
hands pressed against her breath
holding my chest together
weight overwhelming of you
choking her insides
waiting for the moment enough is too much
and I cut him out of her
internal bleeding seeping out the cracks
love trying to hold on but twisting into hate
caught in the crevices of scars fighting to form
sutures torn away as she sees him but can’t look
just. one. more. breath.
a deep breath.
filling up my lungs where you used to be.
“You say I resemble a flower; I partly agree; My brain is governed by black petals of burnt daisies.”
- Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait In LettersTweet
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” (Tom Robbins)
Life is far too serious to take seriously and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is laugh.
So do it, and do it often. Goof around. Be playful. Have fun. Locate your inner child and give him a high five. Find some grass and do some somersaults. Enjoy the ride and love will sit next to you, its head on your shoulder, smiling all the while, for where there is laughter, there is love.
A Love Letter - Week 30-36
July 24 - September 9, 2013
Thirtieth - Thirty Sixth Weeks of the Year
That silly kid time has run away from me again. Looking back I see where he went but not how. Or maybe it’s the how I understand and unsure of his whereabouts. Is time passing by me, or am I passing by it? Perchance it is standing still, able to be revisited if the means were found, but instead they are not and I am the one running away.
I do not know. but. I do know, it’s been a very full 6 weeks - ups, downs, everything in between. And very full of love.
Six weeks gone by, there is a lot to memorialize, many more moments then I will touch upon here in words written down, but these are the ones that fell to the forefront of my brain today. Not having to look back at what was once written on a calendar…although those memories not quite remembered are often the ones I should go back and look for… but today this is my way.
Summer of Shakespeare… comprised of a twice a week class taught by the inimitable Amy Thone. Many new friends and a couple old [though relatively new] friends. Synapses firing. Brain clicking. Shakespeare speaking that once made a little sense now makes so much more. Getting the chance to investigate such established text using the methods & work I’ve been training in the last 1.5 years, was a privilege. Feeling it working…felt like fire. Burning up with connections bubbling over into creation. into smiling. Another step along this journey reminding me, I am meant to be stumbling down this path.
Wonder, the woman, not the concept [though perchance she is both…] made a giant leap frog jump into grownupdom and bought her own fortress to live in. And to begin its new life wrapped around hers, she invited a harem of the most beautiful, talented, intelligent, love filled heart’s overflowing with passionate existence, women I know, over to cleanse & celebrate it. And that night became one I shall never forget, in the midst of many changes in my life - these women stay constant. Goddesses undercover, each protecting the other. Food and drinks abundant, sage burning down spirits unwanted, dancing our way through life’s moments made unforgettable. It is but the first of so much goodness I foresee unfolding in this house.
PINOCCHIO - and his many and almost accurate adventures - came & went faster than summer seemed to fly. A group of talented hilarious people collected together and led by an amazing director, written for by one of Seattle’s most prodigious playwrights. Sigh. An actress can’t ask for more than that. Our final show, in our director’s backyard, a sort of industry night, for friends & family stood as a reminder of why I have fallen so deeply in love with the Seattle Theatre Community. The support & fun was palpable. And I was truly lucky to be able to spend my summer with Pinocchio…
The day before the last Pinocchio the stars aligned and I was finally able to spend a summer evening with theater simple. at their annual Oyster BBQ. It too was an evening of support seen in smiles and felt through hugs by their friends & family & of course [and again!] our community. Andrew & Llysa make me smile just to think about. Celebrating their existence together, as a company and as partners in life & in love together each year. Sharing that with us at this endlessly entertaining BBQ - our backdrop the Seattle setting sun. The love they share, the life they lead, traveling and creating is what dreams are made of, sometimes,
a dream she has stumbled upon herself.
Not the same but different. A partner. Unwavering.
Trusting his brain to take care of her heart while her brain rocks back & forth round ridges he can’t see. His, both, ever protected by her love wound round them. Bubble wrapped.
How many words will he inspire in a lifetime.
She wonders [the verb. not the person.]
…She dost digress.
Because of a boy she got to play in a new fun playground… finding photos for MAP Theatre’s Soft Click of a Switch by creating a way to play online with friends and family and friends… to see if we could make art out of social media not just advertise. But, as she writes we near our close and I think all that’s happened has inspired its own love letter of sorts… more to come on how it has opened my eyes & changed my heart. #SoftClick
As things [as her love, her life] have grown and changed or evolved. It has given a girl a chance to meet a few new people. She had forgotten the fun of it. Forging new friends, whether it be with bartender boys, theater geeks or civilians a like. Whether is is right, wrong, forever, for now, it is fun - the discovery of new worlds through new people, unknown.
When we get down to it, there is no place like home. And for a girl who hasn’t really had one, a place more than a bed to come back to with some of her things scattered round, for nearly 10 years. The most memorable moment of these weeks gone by is about a dark haired girl & her platypi crawling over the crest of a cavern in a cave unearthing what so quickly has become a home. their home. how did we get here, each day, her brain takes her away. how becomes because and the reason is why and it is that sometimes a person will come into your life, or you into theirs and you discover the other in you. new or always been. just waiting to be found. And that piece in her is you, Mr. Delry. And the other way around. Hearts beating harder. Right across the way. So. perchance,
I say -
It is not the house we’ve built, or the blanket fort inside in which the home has grown - the why.
And as they continue to grow & figure out their way - partnered - as they are forever, they remain -
Two characters overwhelming, untamable, uncontained. Stumbled upon in stories once told, never spoken, waiting to be written
Choosing our own adventure.
a platypus and his dark haired girl.
and that my friends is where I am. Today. Weeks behind. But noted. and loved. ever changing. always so much more to say.
I remain ever excited & with optimistic filled hope for what’s next. For the words I’ll get to write about you, us, my adventures & endeavors. Don’t know what they’ll be - word wise or other - but can’t wait to write them… to share them and all that happens.
Until Next Week, Seattle.
Sometimes there is too much to be alive for to think about living.
i want to connect constellations across your body, dot to dot, until the earth breaks down around us and we become the stars telling stories.